• Watch Christina Coultas on Fox News 4 respond to Cowboys signing Greg Hardy

    by Emily Roberts | Mar 18, 2015
    Christina Coultas, Sr Director of Community Collaboration at The Family Place, was on FOX 4 News Wednesday, March 18 at 9pm to talk about Greg Hardy signing with the Dallas Cowboys. 

    Click here to watch the video clip -http://www.fox4news.com/clip/11252710/domestic-violence-shelter-director-talks-greg-hardy-domestic-violence!

  • TFP CEO Paige Flink responds to Cowboys interest in Greg Hardy

    by Emily Roberts | Mar 18, 2015
    What participants at Dallas Annual Conference on Crimes Against Women think about Cowboys interest in Greg Hardy

    March 18, 2015
    by David Moore
    The Dallas Morning News

    Greg Hardy’s visit with the Cowboys should wrap up later today.

    Also scheduled to wrap up later today is the 10thAnnual Conference on Crimes Against Women.

    The three-day conference is taking place in a hotel in downtown Dallas just miles away from where the Cowboys host Hardy. The defensive end’s history of violence – his conviction for assaulting and threatening to kill his ex-girlfriend was recently overturned when the accuser failed to appear for trial – is the sort of story used to help educate law enforcement, advocates, medical personnel and others on the issues surrounding domestic abuse.

    Paige Flink is the CEO of The Family Place shelter. She said the allegations against Hardy sound damaging but stressed they didn’t ultimately result in a conviction. If the club does sign Hardy, she suggests the Cowboys make him attend batterer’s intervention and prevention classes as a condition of employment.

    “People can change,’’ Flink said.

    The Genesis Women’s Shelter, along with the Dallas Police Department, sponsors this conference. Jan Langbein, the CEO of Genesis Women’s Shelter, said it takes more than winning to make a football team successful. She said the city wants to be proud of the Cowboys and stated they can do better than signing someone with a background of violence.

    Langbein emphasized the need for zero tolerance regardless of wealth or status and questioned if Hardy would be hired if he wasn’t a high-profile professional athlete.

    “There shouldn’t be an exception no matter who you are,’’ she said. “Are we that easily bought?’’

    Read the full article at dallasnews.com.

  • 13 Incredible Things You Have Done

    by Emily Roberts | Mar 04, 2015

    Why The Family Place? Because we will never give up.

    We wanted to share and celebrate what you made possible in 2014. Together, we provided 11,523 clients with 164,672 hours of service. One thing's for sure - we will never give up until all victims can lead a life free from violence. Standing together with you, we are an unwavering force to end this epidemic.

    2014 At A Glance - The Family Place Annual Report

    Thank you for being part of the solution to end family violence.

    Give Now to The Family Place

  • In Memory of Ronnie Berg

    by Emily Roberts | Feb 24, 2015

    We honor the passing of a dear friend to The Family Place, Ronnie Berg. We have had the pleasure of working with Ronnie for many years and will miss his smile, his charm and his commitment to women and children in need. 

    Paige Flink says, "Thank you, Ronnie, for sharing yourself with so many of us in the non-profit world. You will be missed."

    http://mysweetcharity.com/ 2015/02/ a-passing-ronnie-berg/

    In Memory of Ronnie Berg, Friend of The Family Place

  • Fifty Shades turns off domestic-violence advocates

    by Emily Roberts | Feb 16, 2015

    'Fifty Shades’ turns off domestic-violence victim advocates, who push for boycott

    February 13, 2015
    by Jennifer Emily
    The Dallas Morning News

    The new movie Fifty Shades of Grey is generating heavy discussion among domestic violence victim advocates.

    But their chatter isn’t about the quality of the film, whether it’s sexy or whether the lead actors hate each other. Anti-domestic violence groups say the movie and the book it’s based on portray an unhealthy and dangerous relationship.

    “It has all the hallmarks of intimate partner abuse,” said Paige Flink, CEO of the Family Place shelter in Dallas. “It glorifies all the things we’re against.”

    The anti-Fifty Shades sentiment has launched a nationwide effort to donate $50 to a domestic violence shelter instead of seeing the movie. The movement sparked #50DollarsNot50Shades and #50ShadesIsAbuse on Twitter and Facebook.

    As far away as London, the film drew harsh criticism. At its premiere there on Thursday, protesters carried banners that read “50 Shades is Domestic Abuse.”

    Safe Haven, Tarrant County’s shelter, sent an email to its supporters about boycotting the movie and donating to shelters instead. The head of the nonprofit could not be reached Friday.

    Flink said the Family Place had received two donations as of early Friday. But she hasn’t heavily promoted the movement, she said, because she didn’t want to give more publicity to a movie that’s expected to break records. She did post about the boycott on the Family Place’s Facebook page.

    Fifty Shades follows mousy English literature major Anastasia Steele (played by Dakota Johnson) as she interviews dashing young business magnate Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for her college newspaper. Christian tries to entice Anastasia into becoming his sexual submissive, wooing her with expensive gifts, rides in his Grey Enterprises helicopter and steamy bedroom encounters.

    A recent Los Angeles Times story about criticism of the film described it as less explicit than the book. The movie’s sex scenes arrive after a long buildup between the characters and are as close to pornography made for women as those in any cinema, with breathy Beyoncé songs, flattering lighting and frequent shots of Dornan’s bare chest and rear, according to the Times.

    In an interview with the California newspaper, director Sam Taylor-Johnson indicated she walked a line in shooting and editing some of the film’s rougher sex scenes.

    “Even though this relationship is about dominance and submission, I wanted to have it be an equal journey,” she said. “So it was a fragile balance. I think that was because of my perspective of keeping an eye on the politics of it. It’s difficult because you’re dealing with power, submission, empowerment and the journey of sexual discovery.”

    Flink, who said she hasn’t seen the movie and read only part of the book, said “maybe the movie shows how much pain” Anastasia is in, but she doubts it.

    Reviews for Fifty Shades have been overwhelmingly negative. The Dallas Morning News’ Chris Vognar gave the film a C- and said it was more tedious than tawdry.

    Read the full article on Dallasnews.com.

  • Grammys take a stand on domestic violence last night

    by Emily Roberts | Feb 09, 2015

    Grammys take a stand on domestic violence last night at the 57th Annual Grammy Awards

    President Obama Interrupted The Grammys To Make A Statement More Remarkable Than Any Award Or Dress

    This was how the #grammys started last night with the focus on violence against women. The President calls for artists to take a stand and speak out to stop it with their influence.


    Meet Brooke Axtell, the Domestic Survivor Who Performed With Katy Perry at the Grammys


  • Watch this powerful Super Bowl Sunday ad - It's up to us to listen!

    by Emily Roberts | Jan 30, 2015

    NFL's domestic violence Super Bowl spot: 'It's up to us to listen'

    January 27, 2015
    by Chris Isidore
    CNN Money

    The National Football League is running an ad during the Super Bowl addressing the issue that's been dogging it all year: Domestic Violence.

    The somber spot, produced by the domestic violence advocacy group NoMore.org, is a stark contrast to the Super Bowl's traditionally humorous ads.

    It shows a home that's obviously been the scene of a struggle, with broken pictures and a hole punched in the wall.

    The soundtrack is a woman calling 911 but pretending to order a pizza in order not to anger her attacker. At first the male 911 operator tries to get her off the phone. Then he realizes she needs help but can't speak because her attacker is in the room. He tells her police are about a minute away and asks her to stay on the line but she hangs up.

    "When it's hard to talk, it's up to us to listen," say words that appear at the bottom of the screen.

    Read the full article at CNNMoney.com.

  • Happy Holidays from The Family Place

    by Emily Roberts | Dec 24, 2014

    Happy Holidays from The Family Place

    Dear Friend of The Family Place,

    Hands down, this had to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I never pictured my life like this. I was terrified of becoming just another statistic, of being judged, and of being alone. All of these things kept me shackled to my grief.  Eventually I began to accept that this was going to be my reality for the rest of my life.
    The events that led me to The Family Place served as a breaking point. Now it was happening in front of my kids. I had to run. I WAS TERRIFIED! Where would I go? How would I survive? I knew I couldn’t stay for round two. But a shelter??? With my kids???
    Once I realized there were so many opportunities to better myself, I realized this was the place for me. I began to appreciate the little things in life again. I appreciated having a place I could rest my head in peace again. I appreciated that my babies were away from the drama.  If I could effectively find peace in a DV shelter, what awaited me outside of the gates?
    I’m happy to say I now have my own place. I am gainfully employed, I’m back in school, and The Family Place helped me start my own small business. I still have hard days, but they are no longer cloaked in darkness. I am living and working towards my dreams. My babies are healthy and happy. We are blessed. I found my light. I found my strength, I found myself. For that, words cannot express how grateful I am. Coming to The Family Place was the hardest thing I have done. But the reward for my sacrifice was far greater than I ever imagined.
    Sincerely yours,

    Thank you for helping us make a difference in Tracy's life.
    Thank you for helping these victims become survivors.

    Wishing you and your family a wonderful and safe
    holiday season from The Family Place!

    Happy Holidays from The Family Place

  • In 8 days, it will be Christmas Eve at our Emergency Shelter, you can make their wishes come true

    by Emily Roberts | Dec 16, 2014

    In 8 days, it will be Christmas Eve at our Emergency Shelter, you can make their wishes come true

    In so many ways, the children at The Family Place are just like the children you know. This time of year, they want iPads and video games, bikes and dollhouses. But they also want things that so many of us take for granted—a  safe home, a job for their mom, no more fighting.

    The Family Place not only keeps them safe but also provides comprehensive services and a clear supportive path for them to progress from fear to safety.

    Give Them Hope
    Every dollar you give ensures our lifesaving shelter and life-changing programs will continue to help victims start new lives free from violence.

    Make a difference today at www.familyplace.org/donate!

  • MySweetWishList: The Family Place

    by Emily Roberts | Dec 16, 2014

    MySweetWishList: The Family Place

    December 9, 2014
    by Jeanne Prejean

    According to The Family Place CEO Paige Flink,

    “I wish I had a new truck for The Family Place Resale Shop so we could pick up more donations and move more clients into apartments. Thankfully, people from all over the Dallas area want to help, but we can’t always go get their large items because our current 15 year old truck is frequently in the shop. This causes us to lose important opportunities for helping our clients.

    “Each year we shelter around 1,000 women and children at The Family Place. We set them up in apartments with ‘starter kits’ put together from donations to our Resale Shop. When women flee to our shelter they usually have to leave everything behind. Christina was a client like that.

    “’Hands down, this had to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I never pictured ever done. I never pictured my life like this. I knew on my wedding day I shouldn’t have married him. But I told myself it was for my babies, so it was a necessary sacrifice. I was terrified of being judged, and of being alone. It never crossed my mind that I could free myself.

    “’Now it was happening in front of my kids. I had to run. But how would I survive? My ex controlled the finances. I hadn’t worked since before my son was born. Then a church member Googled The Family Place. The assistance was there. I just had to reach out and grab it. Finding strength in myself pushed me to really work the program.

    “’I’m happy to say I now have my own place. I still have hard days, but I’m living and working toward my dreams.’

    “Christina is one of the many clients who get a second chance with support from The Family Place Resale Shop and YOU! Learn how you can help at familyplace.org, or call Paige Flink at 214.443.7711.”

    -Paige Flink, The Family Place CEO

  • You Can Make Their Wishes Come True

    by Emily Roberts | Dec 09, 2014

    You can make their wishes come true. Watch how>>

    In so many ways, the children at The Family Place are just like the children you know. This time of year, they want iPads and video games, bikes and dollhouses. But they also want things that so many of us take for granted—a  safe home, a job for their mom, no more fighting.

    The Family Place not only keeps them safe but also provides comprehensive services and a clear supportive path for them to progress from fear to safety.

    Every dollar you give ensures our lifesaving shelter and life-changing programs will continue to lift victims from hopelessness and help them start new lives free from violence. Please help these vulnerable families find their way from fear to safety.

  • Josh Derrough-Harvey of Adamson HS is High School Athlete of the Month for Sports Illustrated

    by Emily Roberts | Nov 13, 2014

    Adamson's Josh Derrough-Harvey is SI's High School Athlete of the Month

    November 12, 2014
    by Ali Fenwick

    DALLAS -- It’s game night in Texas, and the Adamson High Leopards are ready. They have been practicing. They have a plan. They are wearing uniforms, but not the ones bearing the usual colors of blue and white. Instead, players are adorned with purple ribbons and T-shirts with the message “Be A Man” emblazoned on the front. On this night, rather than taking the field, this group of high school football players will fan out across Sprague Stadium at Kimball High for Molina High’s matchup with Spruce High, some manning a table near the home grandstands, others climbing into the bleachers, all armed with markers and papers that read, “I pledge to help stop domestic violence because …” Fill in your own reason.

    They want to know: Will you take the pledge?

    Since last fall, long before domestic violence and football became intertwined in the public consciousness, Adamson players have engaged in an anti-domestic violence movement, collecting pledges from fellow players, students, parents and community members and posting them to Twitter. The campaign went viral in the Texas high school football community last season and spread to a handful of college programs across 10 states this year. A women’s group from Bangladesh, where domestic violence became a crime just four years ago, even visited the team this September to find out how to launch a similar project. But this evening -- during the Leopards’ bye week -- allows the players to bring their campaign to rival high schools. Before the night is finished, they will collect some 600 pledges from the crowd. By the end of the week, they will have attended eight other games, working up a sweat under the Friday night lights without playing a down.

    One Adamson player canvasing the bleachers is especially determined. He is just 17, but he knows the horrors of domestic violence all too well. He knows it’s a learned behavior, and that it’s up to people like him to break the cycle. His personal pledge reads: “Because I have experienced it.”

    Josh Derrough-Harvey, the Leopards senior tailback and leading rusher, worked hard to make varsity this season -- no small feat in a city and state where football is king. He had only previously played freshman ball at the high school level, returning to Adamson last spring after spending his sophomore and junior years at nearby Kimball High. I joined football because I was really looking for something to do,” Derrough-Harvey says. “Every day was really the same. I had already played when I was younger, so I kind of missed it a little bit.”

    Derrough-Harvey not only made varsity, but was also added to the leadership council, a group of hand-selected upperclassmen who lead team projects like Adamson’s campaign against domestic violence. He is more of a grinder than a flashy scoring machine, but he showed from the get-go that he plays with a sense of purpose. Josh Ragsdale, Adamson’s athletic director and eighth-year football coach, utilizes a wing-T offense and estimates Derrough-Harvey was involved in 80 percent of this year’s snaps. “He rarely goes around people, he goes through people,” Ragsdale says. “Three yards and a cloud of dust.”

    Derrough-Harvey carries a 3.0 GPA and his favorite class is theater, where he is studying Shakespeare. The oldest of three, his mother, Melissa Derrough, calls him a “Mini-Dad” for constantly checking up on his younger brother and sister.

    Melissa had Josh when she was 16. His father, Kamau Harvey, had been her sweetheart since seventh grade. They split when Josh was four. His dad had been in and out of his life ever since, but this fall father and son had grown closer. “When I was younger, he wasn’t really around a lot,” Josh says. “But when I started playing football I invited him to come to my games. We got closer over that course of those weeks. He would cut my hair every Sunday. And whenever I needed a ride, he would take me to school.”

    Derrough-Harvey’s first varsity game was astounding. He ran for 248 yards with three touchdowns to help Adamson trounce Diamond Hill-Jarvis High 56-0. College scouts began to inquire about the Leopards’ new 5-foot-8, 200-pound tailback. But tragedy struck before his next game. Three of his friends and his former coach were killed in a single-car accident. The driver of the vehicle lost control and slammed into a tree. (Police said alcohol was not believed to have been a factor.)

    Adamson’s rivalry game against Sunset High loomed on Sept. 6, and Derrough-Harvey could barely bring himself to suit up for practice. He ultimately decided to dedicate the game to his former classmates. With the score tied in overtime, Ragsdale knew his star was feeling pressure to live up to his debut. “I just pulled him aside and told him he knew who he needed to be playing for,” Ragsdale says. Derrough-Harvey rushed for a 10-yard score that lifted Adamson to a 20-14 victory. “We were struggling in that game and I remembered [my friends],” Derrough-Harvey says. “That gave me the strength and courage I needed.” He burst into tears as his teammates rushed to form a dogpile.

    It was the first time football would provide him with a sense of normalcy and lift him up in a period of deep sorrow. It wouldn’t be the last.

    Two days after Derrough-Harvey’s heroics against Sunset, on Sept. 8, TMZ leaked the now-infamous video of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiancée and now wife, Janay Palmer Rice, in an Atlantic City elevator. It was the landmark moment in a domestic violence scandal that became an ongoing national storyline.

    The NFL suspended Rice indefinitely. In Dallas, Ragsdale’s phone lit up with messages from players. “I got 30 texts like, ‘Coach, can you believe this?’” Ragsdale recalls. “Had we not done this project, when this Ray Rice incident happened I don’t think it would have meant much to my guys. It would’ve just been another football player getting in trouble."

    Derrough-Harvey couldn’t have known then that the issue of domestic violence was about to hit far too close to home.

    The morning of Sept. 25, 2014, began like any other. Derrough-Harvey awoke around 7 a.m. and ate a bowl of cereal. His father showed up to give him a ride to school. “When I got out of the car he said, ‘Son, I’m real proud of you,” Derrough-Harvey remembers. “I had been on the local news a lot for our domestic violence project. I got out of the car and he gave me a couple of bucks for lunch money and I said, ‘See you later, dad.’”

    He never would. According to records obtained from the Cedar Hill, Texas, police department, at 11:05 a.m. officers in the nearby Dallas suburb responded to a caller who said her boyfriend -- Derrough-Harvey’s father -- was “trying to kill her.”

    According to the report, “during a dispute between the suspect and the victim, the suspect produced a handgun and began firing at the victim as the victim ran away from the suspect through the alley. The victim was struck by several rounds of gunfire. The suspect then turned the gun on himself and took his own life by a self-inflicted gunshot.”

    That evening, as his team prepared for warm-ups before a game against Samuell High, Ragsdale’s phone rang. It was a school security officer who broke the news about Harvey. Shaken, Ragsdale called Derrough-Harvey into the trainer’s room.

    “He was like, ‘Um, what’s your dad’s name?” Derrough-Harvey remembers, “And I thought, ‘Whoa, why does Rags need to know that?’”

    “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a coach,” Ragsdale says of telling Derrough-Harvey about what his father had done. “Nothing prepares you for that. There’s no school, there’s no college that prepares you to have to break that news to a young man.” The two hugged, cried and prayed together and then Ragsdale offered his tailback ride to the school.

    Without skipping a beat Derrough-Harvey said, ‘No coach, I’m playing.’ He added: “Football brought me and my dad back together, so I’m going to play tonight.”

    At first, knowing his dad had turned to domestic violence gave Derrough-Harvey pause about continuing with the team’s campaign. But an invitation to a pancake breakfast held by Dallas mayor Mike Rawlings (an anti-domestic violence advocate) impacted his decision. That morning actor Victor Rivers spoke about growing up in an abusive household and Hall of Fame Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin told fathers and sons in attendance never to tolerate even a single act of abuse against women.

    “Listening to those stories inspired me to keep going and not to give up on the project,” Derrough-Harvey says. “I realized I would have a bigger platform to promote what is right versus wrong.”

    Derrough-Harvey’s mom had doubts about her son continuing with the initiative, but Josh quickly put them to rest. “Initially I was nervous,” she says. “Like he was going to get some kind of backlash. When I talked to him about it, he said, ‘Mama, I love my daddy, but I am not my dad’s mistakes. My daddy made his own choices, his own decisions. I’m Josh. I have to make my own choices and decisions.’”

    His choice was courageous. Derrough-Harvey had once seen an argument between his mother and father turn physical when he was four. At age 10 he saw his cousins get into what he called “a really bad altercation” with each other.

    “Before, I thought it was OK because we’re all family,” Derrough-Harvey says. “But now I know you shouldn’t let it happen. When I joined the team, the cause wasn’t really close to my heart. Sure, I had experienced it, but I didn’t really understand what had happened until I learned more about domestic violence.”

    Melissa says she is proud of her son’s stance. She knew what Josh had witnessed that time when he was four, and she didn’t let it go unacknowledged. “I had to let him know it’s not right, it’s not what you should do,” she says. “You just don’t hit women. There’s no other way to put it. It’s clear-cut. Dry.”

    All these years later Melissa knows she did the right thing. “When [the shooting] happened,” she says, “there was a fear that could have been me.”

    The Leopards went 4-6 this fall and missed the playoffs. Still, the team knows there was more to the season than wins and losses.

    Senior offensive tackle David Banda told Derrough-Harvey he dedicated the rest of the season to him after seeing his brave display the night Adamson played Samuell, a 28-0 loss. “For something like that to happen to a teammate, that doesn’t happen in real life. That happens in a movie,” Banda says. “I told him that I respected him for what he did. Not a lot of people would [play on]. It showed him as a man, not just as an athlete.”

    Offensive guard and middle linebacker Joseph Taylor says: “People look at him and think, if he can smile through all this pain, why can’t we?”

    Derrough-Harvey hopes to play football in college. A lingering ankle injury hampered his statistics, but he is considering attending junior college. Ragsdale believes Derrough-Harvey will succeed in whatever he chooses to pursue. “He has willpower, he has heart, he has drive to be successful. If I’m ever blessed enough to have a son, I hope he has those traits,” says Ragsdale, the stepfather to 10-year-old twin girls.

    “Have I coached better football players? Yes. Have I coached better people? I don’t know that I have. “

    During this night at Sprague Stadium, Derrough-Harvey offers a simple smile to each person he greets as he makes his way through the bleachers asking spectators to sign the pledge and stand up to abuse. “Whenever they say yes, it’s a really rewarding feeling,” he says. “Whenever they tell me no, it’s heartbreaking.” Still, he doesn’t share his painful connection to domestic violence with the people he meets in the stands, not even the ones who decline to participate.

    Today, though, is different. He is telling his story to the world. Derrough-Harvey wants to know: Will you sign the pledge?

    Read the full article at SportsIllustrated.com!

  • Read Part 9 of the Deadly Affection Series in The Dallas Morning News

    by Emily Roberts | Oct 21, 2014

    ‘Men can certainly change’
    Father of two says the batterer prevention program alone can’t solve problem of domestic violence, but it provides a good starting point

    October 19, 2014
    by Diane Jennings
    The Dallas Morning News

    Joe Colucci admits he was arrogant; egotistical; controlling; unwilling to deal with emotions; and yes, abusive.

    But the 52-year-old divorced father of two stresses now that he’s not that man any more. And he doesn’t want his son to be like he was or his daughter to be involved with a person like that.

    “I don’t want anybody’s daughter to be with somebody like that,” he says.

    So Colucci speaks out about domestic violence, not only during October which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but all year, from a rare perspective — that of a former abuser.

    “The message I want to put out there?” he asks. “Men can certainly change. Is it common? I don’t think so. Is it possible? Absolutely. I’m sitting here as an example of that.”

    Colucci says he changed after twice going through a Batterer Intervention and Prevention Program (BIPP) at Hope’s Door, a Collin County shelter.

    Treatment for batterers began in the 1970s. An estimated 1,500 to 2,500 BIPP classes are held across the country, according to a 2009 report by the Family Violence Prevention Fund and the National Institute of Justice. Most clients are ordered to attend by a judge. Colucci, however, enrolled at the request of his then-fiancée.

    Experts are divided on whether BIPP works because success is difficult to define and data hard to come by.

    But Colucci says while BIPP alone can’t solve the problem of domestic violence, it provides a good starting point if someone wants to stop being abusive.

    “I finally realized I did need to change,” he says, his voice hitching with emotion. “You just get to a certain point where you gotta say, ‘You know what? It’s not everybody else. It’s me. And I’ve got to do something different.’”

    Recognizing abuse

    One of the biggest concepts BIPP attempts to teach during the 24 week course is to recognize abuse. Many men don’t see their behavior as abusive.

    “I know the gravity of the issues,” says Crystal, a BIPP facilitator who asked her last name not be used for safety reasons. For instance, since The Dallas Morning News began tracking domestic violence fatalities at the beginning of the year through the “Deadly Affection” series, 30 people have been killed in North Texas by someone close to them. Dallas was recently rated the deadliest county in the state for women by the Texas Council on Family Violence.

    Most of Crystal’s clients, “can see on the news somebody killed their wife and separate it from them. That’s the hardest part to get them to see ‘You are in this category. You are in the situation. This can be you ... You may not be the person killing his partner yet — how do you think this person got here? How are you different?’”

    The first time Colucci’s ex-partner confronted him about being an abuser, he was furious. “I was like, ‘You are out of your mind,’” he recalls. “‘There’s no way.’”

    Though he never blackened an eye or broke any bones and was never arrested, he now recognizes his swearing, shoving, throwing objects and kicking down doors was abusive.

    “I terrorized her,” he says.

    Domestic violence counselors warn not to underestimate the impact of verbal and emotional abuse. Domestic violence generally starts with lower-level abuse before escalating to physical violence.

    At a recent BIPP class for parolees, Crystal asked men in the class to list the names they call their partners when angry.

    For a few minutes the half dozen or so clients grinned and chuckled in a game of one-upmanship.

    “Bitch.” “Slut.” Whore.”

    “That’s what you say to someone you love?” she asked quietly.

    The men fidgeted a little uncomfortably in their chairs. The idea that name calling was a form of violence was obviously a new and difficult concept to grasp.

    For many victims, emotional and verbal abuse is more painful than physical abuse, said David Almager, BIPP Program Director at The Family Place, a Dallas shelter. Bruises fade and bones heal, but psychological damage plays over and over in the victim’s mind. After long periods of repeated degradation, victims lose their self esteem and believe what the abuser is telling them, making it difficult to leave.

    Colucci remembers sitting in class with a professional boxer who described the physical violence he inflicted on his partner.

    “When he told us what he did, I was like…’I’m not like that.’ But you know what? When you think about it, I was just as bad as he was because the stuff that I did was emotionally scarring.”

    Power, control and choice

    At BIPP meetings for female batterers at Hope’s Door, the handful of clients repeat aloud: “I cannot control another person. I can only control myself.”

    The facilitator opens each meeting with the same statement to reinforce the fact that domestic violence is not about anger, it’s about power and control.

    Colucci says he was a “control freak” who used intimidation to get his way.

    For example, one night his partner wanted to discuss something and he didn’t. “So instead of saying, ‘hey, I don’t want to talk about this anymore,’ I jumped out of bed, grabbed the post … [and] swung the post and smashed it against the bed frame,” Colucci says. “That’s how I decided to end the conversation.”

    BIPP facilitators use various exercises to show clients that violence is a choice. Almager often asks clients if they ever slap their boss after they receive negative feedback at work.

    They don’t. Neither do they punch the police officer who stops them for speeding.

    But if their wife or partner says or does something they dislike at home, they choose to react violently.

    “Violence is always a choice,” Colucci says. “To me that’s the bottom line of it. It’s not that ‘she pushed my buttons,’ it’s that I chose to become violent at that moment because I was feeling stressed or frustrated or whatever.”

    They don’t. Neither do they punch the police officer who stops them for speeding.

    But if their wife or partner says or does something they dislike at home, they choose to react violently.

    “Violence is always a choice,” Colucci says. “To me that’s the bottom line of it. It’s not that ‘she pushed my buttons,’ it’s that I chose to become violent at that moment because I was feeling stressed or frustrated or whatever.”

    Domestic violence will persist, Colucci says, “if men don’t take the lead and start bringing it up, and talking about it, and calling other men on it.”

    His willingness to speak out is unusual, says Vinson-O’Neal, who has since left Hope’s Door. “There are a lot of men who may have made that same turnaround,” but they don’t speak up because they fear being ostracized professionally or socially.

    Colucci, who is self-employed. says he doesn’t worry about what others think. He wants to see domestic violence reduced, and is willing to do whatever he can to help. “And if it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day and say ‘I’m OK. I’ve done what I can’.”

    He’s been disappointed in one of his efforts to help start a support group called A Better Way that meets at Hope’s Door. The group is designed to provide “after care” for men who have finished BIPP but still need to talk about situations they encounter.

    Unfortunately, A Better Way is “in a holding pattern,” Colucci says ruefully. “Because I can’t get guys to show up.”

    Batterer Intervention and Prevention Programs

    What they are: Classes for people who struggle with domestic violence

    What they do: Hold clients accountable for abusive behavior and teach them the basics of leading a nonviolent life.

    Who attends: Most clients are ordered to attend by the court; individuals may self refer

    How long they last: 90 minutes a week; most classes in North Texas are 24 weeks

    How much they cost: About $25 a session.

    Read the full article at DallasNews.com.

  • Despite The Death Of His Brother, Joe Torre Made It To The Texas Trailblazer Award Patron Party To Support The Family Place

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 25, 2014

    Despite The Death Of His Brother, Joe Torre Made It To The Texas Trailblazer Award Patron Party To Support The Family Place

    September 24, 2014
    by Jeanne Prejean

    Despite the death of his big brother, Frank, the previous Saturday, and the funeral Monday, Joe Torre was on hand to meet and greet the Texas Trailblazer Awards Luncheon patrons on Tuesday, September 16.

    Benefiting The Family Place, the cause was one that was very near and dear to both Joe and Frank  — domestic abuse.

    The Terrace Ballroom at Le Méridien Dallas, The Stoneleigh was jammed with folks. So much so, that if you didn’t know your baseball, you would have sworn that Joe was just another guest. He melted into the crowd that included Amy Simmons, Lee Ann and Alan White, Brill Garrett, Jill Smith, Marnie and Kern Wildenthal, Maggie Kipp, Amanda Ward, Dawn Spalding and Ramona Jones.

    Diminutive philanthropist Faye Briggs taking time out from preparationfs for Saturday’s celebration of her daughter Pebble McKenzie‘s marriage to Mike McGehee. The wedding was a family affair literally. Mike is Ralph Gorman‘s nephew. In turn, Ralph is Faye’s longtime “boyfriend.” You may need a chart to figure out the relationships.

    Back to the patron party.

    Luncheon organizers were whispering that the Wednesday luncheon was going to be a record breaker for the annual event “honoring those who create significant positive change in our North Texas community.”

    This year’s event honoring the legacy of the late Harold C.  Simmons was a first for two reason: First, it was the first time that a man had been named a Texas Trailblazer. Second, it was the first time it was being given to someone posthumously.

    After The Family Place’s Paige Flink welcomed the crowd and recognized key people like Harold’s widow Annette Simmons and daughter Amy, Mayor Mike Rawlings and Luncheon Co-Chairs Stephanie and Travis Hollman, Carol Seay and her daughter-in-law Stephanie Seay, the guests lined up to have their photos taken with Joe.

    Read the full article and photos at MySweetCharity.com.

  • Read Part 8 of the Deadly Affection Series by The Dallas Morning News

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 25, 2014

    Deadly Affection - Part : In church, a taboo topic 
    Religious leaders try to break silence about domestic violence among flock

    September 23, 2014
    by Dianne Jennings
    The Dallas Morning News

    Here in what some call the “buckle of the Bible Belt,” the faithful regularly flock to houses of worship for guidance. Dedicated clergy preach about forgiveness and gratitude, the need to help the poor or comfort the grieving.

    But religious leaders — in churches, synagogues or mosques — rarely address what to do if Mom or Dad try to kill each other.

    A recent survey by Christian-based LifeWay Research showed that almost two-thirds of 1,000 Protestant pastors said they speak about domestic violence once a year or less.

    “When there are things we don’t talk about, this is one of them,” said Michael McKee, bishop of the North Texas conference of the United Methodist Church.

    Academics call it the “Holy Hush.”

    But faith can be a powerful recovery tool, so local shelter workers are trying to break the clergy’s reluctance to deal with family violence by pushing them to recognize the problem, get training to address it and bring attention to it by preaching about it.

    Many pastors want to do more to help domestic violence victims but say they need more training.

    “We will always have this problem,” said Dr. Marie Fortune, a United Church of Christ minister who founded the Faith Trust Institute, which works to educate clergy about domestic violence. “But what we’re working toward is making it rare and unusual.”

    ‘Not in my church’

    When Jessica Brazeal, assistant director of clinical services at Genesis Women’s Shelter, went to work for the shelter four years ago she learned domestic violence affects 1 out of 3 women. That meant victims and abusers were sitting in the pews with her on Sunday as well as at the shelter.

    “That, for me, was a big eye-opener,” said Brazeal, who holds a degree in biblical counseling.

    A lot of pastors don’t see it that way. According to LifeWay, 72 percent of pastors who speak about the issue said domestic violence is a community problem — but only 25 percent said it’s a church problem.

    The “not in my church” notion is “a chicken and an egg problem,” said Fortune. “If you don’t look for it, then you’re not going to see it. And if you don’t know what to look for, it’s all happening but you’re not seeing it.”

    The Rev. Bobby Gibson Sr., associate pastor at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, said his first professional encounter with domestic violence happened when a woman confided to his wife that her husband was abusing her. From what Gibson knew of the couple, though, he “just didn’t think that he [the husband] was capable of that.”

    But when the abuser was confronted, he “didn’t deny that it had happened,” Gibson said.

    Many incidents and a lot of education later, Gibson is “very much less skeptical.” Now when a victim approaches Gibson or a staffer at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, we “go in just openly honestly listening and believe the person.” They then work to find community resources to help. And at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, it’s not unusual to hear the Rev. Tony Evans, senior pastor, discussing the topic as he did last Sunday when he told parishioners that “submission never means abuse.”

    Gibson’s initial reaction is not unusual, Brazeal said.

    Recognizing abuse is sometimes difficult for clergy because the abuser often “seems like a great guy,” she said. “He’s in the choir, he’s head of the ushers, he is the chair of some committee. So when she comes forward and says, ‘This is what’s going on,’ it makes it harder to believe.”

    Chidinma Ward was disappointed by her church’s response after her estranged husband held her at gunpoint for hours. Even though he was arrested and convicted, “Nobody wanted to take sides when I was asking for help.”

    “It surprised me,” she said. “It hurt me.”

    “By not taking a side, you’re taking a side.”

    Long list of fears

    In addition to fearing they won’t be believed, victims are often reluctant to talk to their spiritual leader because they may not be ready to leave; they may worry about their abuser losing his job or going to jail; and they may feel ashamed their marriage falls short of the religious ideal.

    Dr. Jeanne Stevenson-Moessner, professor of pastoral care at Perkins School of Theology at Southern Methodist University, cautioned against blaming victims for not coming forward.

    “They are surviving,” she said. “They keep things under control so the abuser won’t kill them.”

    Women of faith are no more likely than secular women to be victims of domestic violence, said Dr. Nancy Nason-Clark, who studies abuse, faith, gender and culture at the University of New Brunswick in Canada. “But the journey after violence has occurred can be very different for women of deep religious commitment.”

    Vanessa Vaughter, education program manager at Hope’s Door, remembered when a domestic violence victim told her, “I’d rather be dead than divorced.”

    Her faith told her divorce was a sin, said Vaughter, who graduated from seminary. “And she felt like she would be a failure.”

    One reason pastors don’t talk about domestic violence, McKee said, is “because we don’t know what to do if someone comes to us.”

    Indeed, more than half of the pastors surveyed by LifeWay said they didn’t feel sufficiently trained to deal with domestic violence.

    When McKee attended seminary in the 1970s, the subject rarely came up. Today some seminaries mention it in passing while others delve deeper.

    In a recent class on pastoral care for women at Perkins, students took part in a role-playing exercise called “In Her Shoes” to try to understand the experience of abuse victims.

    The exercise, which included hypothetical trips to the hospital for injuries — and to the funeral home if their character was killed — was painful for many students. For some, the discomfort came from awareness of how often the clergy fails victims.

    “It’s a tragedy,” said Reggie Nelson of pastors’ previous reluctance to address domestic violence. “I’m a preacher’s child ... I’m in seminary. And I would tell somebody, ‘You don’t want to go to your pastor — you want to go get some help.’”

    Stevenson-Moessner designed the elective classes to make the next generation of pastor’s “church changers.”

    Some of the electives require students to be trained in domestic violence at a local shelter, while others work at a rape crisis center. Stevenson-Moessner makes a point of framing the certificates students receive so they can be hung on the wall of a new pastor’s office immediately — signaling to anyone seeking help that he or she is qualified to make a referral.


    Stevenson-Moessner said she was “mobilized” to study the church’s role in domestic violence when she heard an evangelist tell a college audience that “women are to be submissive to their husbands even if they are beaten to a bloody pulp. In doing so, they may win their husband to the Christ.”

    “I thought if this was what the Bible teaches, I need to rethink following this god,” she said.

    Ultimately she decided the evangelist was misinterpreting Scripture. Many others agree.

    “When someone is abusing someone else, particularly a man against a wife, it’s not because of their faith,” said Steven Smith, professor of communication at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. “It’s because they’re practicing inconsistently with what their faith teaches.”

    Rabbi Howard Wolk, community chaplain for Jewish Family Service of Greater Dallas, said anyone who uses sacred passages to justify abuse is perverting Judaism. “In Jewish law, there’s absolutely no justification, no grounds, for a husband being abusive of a spouse or a wife being abusive of a husband.”

    And Mona Kafeel, chief operating officer for the Texas Muslim Women’s Foundation, said that using sacred passages to justify abuse is always a misinterpretation.

    Still, such interpretations persist, counselors said.

    When Connie Nash showed up at church “black and blue” from her husband’s beatings, a pastor told her she “needed to keep forgiving, and I needed to pray for him and just keep asking God to change him and to help me be a better wife,” she remembered.

    She felt church leaders wanted her to remain married because she’d made a commitment “till death do us part.”

    “People don’t literally think they’re going to have to take it to that extent,” she said. “That I might actually die being married to this person.”

    She wrestled with the belief that divorce is a sin, but eventually a counselor pointed out to her that Jesus forgives.

    “It was like a light bulb went off in my head,” Nash said.

    When she was told she would not be welcome at services if she went through with the divorce, “I kind of felt bummed out about church,” Nash said, “but I never turned my back on God.”

    Today she doesn’t have a church home. But she still has “my time with God daily.”

    Training for clergy

    Nash now uses her experience to help others, including attending a recent “Safe on Sunday” training session for clergy.

    “Safe on Sunday” is one of several informal clergy trainings offered by local shelters. The name stems from the fact that more domestic violence is reported on Sunday than any other day. One reason for that may be some sort of carryover effect from Saturday night excesses or sporting contests.

    About 10 clergy members attended a recent session held at Union, a nonprofit coffee shop sponsored by the United Methodist Church, in conjunction with The Family Place.

    Experts say that while most religious leaders want to help domestic violence victims, they need training because their natural instincts may do more harm than good.

    Protestant pastors and domestic violence

    A thousand clergy were surveyed in May about their awareness and approach to the problems of domestic violence in a project sponsored by Sojourners and IMA World Health. Ed Stetzer, president of LifeWay Research which conducted the survey, said pastors rarely talk about the issue, but they would like more training to know how to help.

    For instance, many faith leaders suggest marital counseling when confronted with domestic violence. But that’s “an incredibly dangerous response,” said the Rev. Mike Baughman, who ran the seminar.

    Marital or couples counseling sends a message that the abuser’s behavior is the victim’s fault.

    Learning to refer victims to professionals is a key training tool for clergy who often want to do it all themselves.

    “If you need open heart surgery you wouldn’t go to a psychiatrist, you’d go to a cardiac specialist,” McKee said. “If somebody’s having issues related to domestic violence, let’s send them to someone who really has experience with domestic violence.”

    That doesn’t negate the power of prayer, he said. “Prayer is sometimes finding the resources to help you move through this difficulty.”


    Progress in piercing the Holy Hush is slow, but it’s happening, one congregation at a time.

    In July, some local imams focused on domestic violence during a special Ramadan sermon in their mosques. Area imams have also signed a “zero tolerance” statement on domestic violence, said Kafeel.

    In August, Benjamin Dorr preached his first sermon on domestic violence at Northridge Presbyterian in Dallas at the urging of a member who works at a local shelter.

    And in October, Methodist churches across North Texas are being encouraged to address the issue during National Domestic Violence Awareness month.

    Hearing a “no abuse” message from the pulpit is critical, said Christine Woods, a survivor who serves on the board of the New Beginning Center in Garland.

    Woods said it was only when she reconnected with church that she found the strength to leave an abusive relationship.

    “Until then, I was beaten down and I was a shell of who I was,” Woods said. “I became this weak, quiet, broken person. And when I reconnected with my faith and my God, I just immediately started to get strong.”

    Bishop T.D. Jakes, senior pastor of the Potter’s House, which has an active domestic violence ministry, said preaching about the issue once a year isn’t enough. Addressing domestic violence must become part of a church’s culture.

    And that’s a tall order, he said, because religious leaders often “have this need to appear perfect. And there is this innate belief that this is not a reality in our church, that we are good people.

    “But you can be a good person and have a bad problem,” he said, “and if we open that discussion we will have done God a great service.”

    How houses of worship can help domestic violence victims:

    Talk about the problem of domestic violence — in sermons, in prayer requests, in classes.

    Display books or brochures from local resources offering victim assistance in private places such as women’s restroom stalls. Publicize domestic violence hotline numbers.

    Become familiar with community resources such as shelters to be able to make referrals.

    Provide training for church staff on how to recognize and respond to victims.

    Support the safety of victims and follow up with them if they go to court.

    If both partners continue to attend church, arrange for them to attend separate services or provide escorts for the victim.

    Read the full article and view photos at Dallasnews.com.

  • Hall of Famer Joe Torre stresses domestic violence education

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 23, 2014

    Hall of Famer Joe Torre stresses domestic violence education

    September 17, 2014
    by Sarah Mervosh
    The Dallas Morning News

    Baseball Hall of Famer Joe Torre on Wednesday stressed the importance of domestic violence education in light of recent scandals involving NFL players.

    Speaking in Dallas, Torre cited Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson as an example of the cycle of violence that persists unless awareness efforts intervene. Peterson is accused of beating his 4-year-old son with a tree branch, but the popular NFL player said he only disciplined his son as his father did him.

    “That’s where I think the education portion of this thing, if we’re going to end the cycle, is to let these youngsters know it’s not OK — that there’s a respect you have to have,” Torre said at a luncheon for The Family Place, the city’s largest domestic violence agency.

    The Family Place also recognized late billionaire and philanthropist Harold Simmons for his community contributions and for being a “an exceptional role model for Texas women and healthy families.”

    Torre, a former baseball player and New York Yankees manager, spoke interview-style with WFAA-TV (Channel 8) sports anchor Dale Hansen. Both men grew up in abusive households, and their conversation marked the intersection of athletics and advocacy at a time when domestic violence has become an unprecedented issue in the sports world.

    Peterson’s felony charge last week out of Montgomery County near Houston came just days after a video surfaced showing former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking his then-fiancée out cold in an elevator.

    Torre said the recent controversies have sparked appropriate outrage and encouraged important conversations about domestic abuse.

    “I’m glad what’s happened recently that people are offended by it for a change,” Torre said.

    Torre has touted domestic violence awareness since 2002, when he founded the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation. The foundation educates children to end the cycle of abuse and provides safe-rooms at schools where kids affected by abuse can seek help.

    Torre’s childhood was marred by his father’s abusive relationship with his mother. He remembers the broken dishes, the demands for his mother to cook food in the middle of the night and the time his father reached for the drawer in the china closet where he kept his revolver.

    Torre later learned that his father, a New York City policeman, had pushed his mother down the stairs upon learning she was pregnant with Torre: “He didn’t want her to get pregnant anymore.”

    Hansen, who as a boy witnessed his father punch and break his mother’s nose, said, “What has been lost, to some degree, in the argument about domestic violence is the impact on the children.”

    Torre agreed, and said he was plagued with insecurity — even into his professional career as an All-Star catcher — because of the violent environment he grew up in.

    “I went through my whole baseball career feeling that yeah, if I got a couple of hits, I was validated,” Torre said. “But if I didn’t do well, I felt it was my fault. If I had done a little bit more, we wouldn’t have lost the ballgame.”

    Torre said he created his foundation with the hope of giving kids the message he never got as a child: “They’re not alone and it’s not their fault.”

    Read the full article at Dallasnews.com.

  • North Texas Giving Day Sets New Records

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 23, 2014

    2014 North Texas Giving Day Sets New Records

    1,580 North Texas nonprofit organizations received donations from North Texas Giving Day 2014. 98,000 donations were made, totaling $26.3 million!! From 6am to midnight, donors from around the world representing all 50 states and more than 24 countries gave to North Texas nonprofits.

    It's clear what an amazing community we have here in #NorthTexas. Thank you for your incredible generosity, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

    2014 North Texas Giving Day - You Did It

  • Domestic Abusers Can Reform, Studies Show in the WSJ

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 16, 2014

    Domestic Abusers Can Reform, Studies Show
    Many Abusive Men Who Complete Treatment Can Change Their Behavior, Experts Say

    September 15, 2014
    by Elizabeth Bernstein
    The Wall Street Journal

    The video of Ray Rice assaulting the woman who is now his wife has raised a big question about domestic violence: Can someone who has abused his partner go on to a healthy relationship?

    It isn't easy. Treating a domestic batterer can be as difficult as treating an alcohol or substance abuser, experts say. Some offenders need treatment multiple times before it works. Others are never successful at reforming their behavior, whether their partner stays or they start a new relationship.

    While both men and women commit acts of intimate-partner violence, as experts call it, approximately 85% of victims are female. Decades of studies show that about 60% to 70% of abusive men who complete a comprehensive batterer treatment program can reform, says Jeffrey L. Edleson, professor and dean of the School of Social Welfare at the University of California, Berkeley, and an expert on domestic abuse.

    One of the most thorough and well-designed studies on the topic was funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and conducted by Edward Gondolf, now a professor emeritus at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. It was summarized in 2004 in the journal Aggression and Violent Behavior. The study spent four years following 618 men who entered batterer-intervention programs in one of four cities, as well as their female partners starting when the men entered the program.

    The study found that at the 30-month follow-up, more than 80% of the men had not re-assaulted their partner in the previous year, and at the 48-month follow-up, 90% of the men had not assaulted their partner in the past year. The treatment programs were small education-therapy groups, meeting at least once a week for between four months and a year. "Men who completed the program were much less likely to abuse their partners," Dr. Gondolf says.

    The study also showed that at both of these follow-up points, two-thirds of the women (some the original partners of the men, some new) said that their quality of life had improved, and 85% of the women said they felt very safe.

    Men who complete batterer-intervention programs are just a minority of those who enroll—and they typically enroll only after they've been mandated by a court to do so. Still, Dr. Edleson says tens of thousands of men have been arrested for intimate-partner abuse and have learned to become nonviolent.

    Experts say intimate-partner violence is, like other forms of domestic violence, primarily a learned behavior. But someone who grew up witnessing or experiencing domestic abuse or who has a history of criminal behavior is much more likely to be abusive than someone who didn't.

    There are different types of intimate-partner abusers, experts say. A subtype often referred to in the field as the Intimate Partner Terrorist is the "worst of the worst," says David B. Wexler, executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego, a nonprofit organization that designs and runs domestic violence treatment programs.

    The man is obsessed with power and control, terrorizes his partner, erodes her self-esteem, wields financial control and is jealous and possessive. This type of abuser is almost impossible to change, Dr. Wexler says.

    The vast majority of abusers are men who perpetrate what is known as Situational Couple Violence. They aren't out to dominate their partner. But they have very poor relationship skills and very quick triggers.

    A round of typical anger-management training isn't enough to help these men. They need to commit to a comprehensive batterer intervention program, often going at least once a week for four months to a year.

    Experts say the best of these programs pair education with psychotherapy in a small group setting. The men learn communication skills. And they learn how to think differently about the situation they are in, how to change sexist ideas and how to tolerate conflict in a relationship without seeing it as an insult to their manhood.

    "To sit in a room and see men talking in ways that broaden a definition of what men can do, that is a key part of the change process," Dr. Wexler says.

    Men who successfully reform "are at a stage where they can accept that they have a problem and are motivated to make change," says Dr. Edleson, of the University of California, Berkeley.

    A major factor in most of these men's motivation is their desire to save their relationship, says Barbara Gilin, a licensed clinical social worker and associate clinical professor for social work education at Widener University in Chester, Pa., who has worked with intimate-partner violence victims and their abusers for 35 years.

    "The longer the women can hold out not living with the partner, the more motivated the partner is to change, she says. "They are so afraid they will lose their woman."

    Dr. Wexler says that about half of men who go through the treatment program do so while continuing their romantic relationship, while half separate or split with their partner. Some of the men who split with their partner eventually restart the relationship successfully or form a new relationship.

    The odds of successful change go up for these men when five other factors are present, Ms. Gilin says:

    1) They feel bad or guilty about harming their partner. About 25% of men never feel guilty, Ms. Gilin says. "And there is a whole middle ground where there is some guilt and then it takes some time in the group to really start to understand that they are responsible," she says.

    2) They take full responsibility for their actions and don't blame their partner.

    3) They are motivated to change their values and be a different, better person.

    4) They are willing to examine the effect abuse in their childhood had on them.

    5) They understand that intimidating and bullying behaviors need to be stopped, along with physical violence.

    "What I and other people look for in that first moment is the degree of real remorse and how much he takes responsibility for 100% of what he did," Ms. Gilin says. "And the main factor that determines whether a man is going to change is whether he sticks to the program."

    Read the full article on WSJ.com.

  • When will men step up and stop the violence against women

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 16, 2014

    When will men step up and stop the violence against women?

    September 12, 2014
    by Alex Flink
    The Dallas Morning News - Letters to the Editor

    As a young man approaching the age of domestication, it scares me to think that domestic violence, an issue my mother has spent my entire life fighting against, will likely still be an issue when my own children are born.

    But it does not have to be this way. We no longer live in the Mad Men-esque, misogynistic culture of our parents. Whatever gender roles were present in that day no longer exist.

    Too many people have characterized Ray Rice’s behavior as a mistake or judgment error. In reality, the fact that there was any level of judgment involved in his actions proves that, regardless of what Ray Rice says in public, on some level, he rationalized his decision to hit a woman. That is the true issue. As men in a generation that will very soon be in the cultural driver’s seat, we must step up and remedy the situation.

    What will it take for us to take a stand? What we need is to look in the mirror and figure out exactly what kind of men we want to be for our children, our significant others, our parents, our friends and our families. We don’t need more Ray Rices, Charlie Sheens or Chris Browns. These individuals do not deserve fame or recognition. Their definition of being a man is not worthy of any attention.

    I speak to men everywhere when I say that we should raise our hands — not against our loved ones but against domestic violence. Let’s strike down abuse of all kinds, physical or emotional, and create a healthy and loving environment for our sons and daughters and generations to come.

    Alex Flink, Dallas

    son of Paige Flink, CEO of the Family Place

  • Churches Urged To Address Domestic Violence

    by Emily Roberts | Sep 16, 2014

    Churches Urged To Address Domestic Violence

    September 9, 2014

    A coffee shop and advocacy group are teaming up to take on domestic violence.  The Family Place, the largest domestic violence service provider in North Texas, and Union Coffee are challenging churches to address the issue during services with their “Safe. On. Sunday.” campaign.

    The campaign will offer training to church leaders, who can pass that information on to their congregation.  The sessions will help pastors identify domestic violence among their parishioners, as well as give them tools to respond to victims and abusers in the congregation.

    According to a news release provided by both groups, more family violence cases are reported on Sunday than on any other day.

    While the recently released video showing former NFL player Ray Rice hitting and knocking out his fiancee, Janay Palmer, has sparked a national debate about domestic violence, the S.O.S. campaign is months in the making.

    “We’ve been working on this for about 6 months,” said Reverend Michael Baughman, who will lead the training along with Theresa Little, a licensed social worker and Assistant Director of Community Outreach Services at The Family Place.

    Baughman, who also works as the Executive Director/Community Curator at Union Coffee, has worked in churches for more than 15 years.

    “Often times clergy, with really good intentions, do things that are hurtful to the situation,” said Baughman about domestic violence.  “Sometimes women are encouraged to stay to protect the marriage or for the children.”

    Baughman says when it comes to those touched by domestic violence (victims and abusers0, there is no statistic difference between those who attend church and those who don’t.  For that reason, Baughman wants to encourage churches to talk openly about this issue.

    “The biggest ally of an abuser is silence…so when we don’t talk about it as a society, victims will accept or believe this is the way things are,” he said.

    “We need to talk more about it,” Little agreed.  In her experience with churches and domestic violence, she “found out a lot don’t know what to do.  They don’t even know what it looks like.”

    She tells a story about a woman she met years ago, who was conflicted about getting a restraining order against her pastor husband, even though she had witnessed him sexually abuse their 10-year-old daughter.

    Women, who make up a majority of many churches, are often conflicted about faith, domestic violence and divorce, according to Little.

    “I’m not interested in saving a marriage. A marriage can be restored, but a life cannot.”

    Baughman says several church leaders have already committed to going through the training.  The sessions will be offered Thursday, September 11 from 10am-2pm  and Friday, September 19 from 10am-2pm.

    Read the full article at CBSDFW.com.